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The fridge was already judging you. The googly eyes just give the judgement a face, which behavioural scientists would call “accountability” if any of them were consulted, which they were not.

Spotted in the wild and independently certified useless by our lab.

Waterproofing sprays cost money, wear off, and smell like a chemistry accident. There is a permanent, free alternative: remain inside.

Tested across three rainstorms. Shoes stayed completely dry every time. Works on suede, canvas, and even those mesh trainers that soak through if someone nearby mentions rain. The manufacturer of your shoes does not want you to know this.

Lost items are famously always in the last place you look. This is an exploitable inefficiency: simply begin your search at the last place you would look, and the item will be found on the first attempt.

Field testing note: identifying the last place you’d look does require first ranking every place you’d look, which takes about forty minutes. Budget accordingly.