№ 111

Train your goldfish to remember you by introducing yourself daily

Pet-bonding articles claim fish recognise their owners, citing studies the fish have not read.

Introduce yourself daily anyway. Every morning a fresh start; every meeting your first — the goldfish is the only honest relationship you have, and it costs a flake. Field note: after two years, our researcher and the fish greet each other identically. Neither remembers why. Both continue. That is companionship.

uselessness 98%
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